You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
