Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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