paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
is this the sara with the beer cane?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
