I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
