my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
