It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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