it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Randomize
