Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
