butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
