She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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