It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
