AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
