My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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