btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
