I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
