forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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