He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
