Who did Billy Mays play for?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
