she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
