I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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