Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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