U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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