I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
where are you?
Hypothermia
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
