I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
