Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(804): View more from Virginia

i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.

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(510): View more from California

On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.

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(408): View more from California

Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this

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(904): View more from Florida

my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.

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(+61): View more from Australia

There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.

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(585): View more from New York

He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs

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