I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize