I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
