I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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