he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
