So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just pee around me
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Randomize
