Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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