Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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