Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
