sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I don't deserve a penis
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
