meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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