Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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