Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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