dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
