if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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