i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
