2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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