I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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