A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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