i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
