There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
