I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
