I wish I only lived at night.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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