Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
