dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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