I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
