Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
