Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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