Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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