just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
