I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
