I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
no you cant smoke seaweed
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
