The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
