I wish my penis had an off switch
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize