is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
