she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
