i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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