I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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