i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
