you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
