Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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