vagina is talking i cant
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
