guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
