wat bout pragnant strippers??
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
