yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
