she was so not down for the gang bang
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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