I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
