Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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