Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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