a search helicopter?!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
