Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He shit in the fireplace
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
