i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
