Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
