the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
