I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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