You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
