are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
