i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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