i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
