Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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