In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
