Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
