I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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