Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think I died a long time ago.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Randomize