Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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