o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
