He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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