i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize