i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
