What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
