I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I love having hate sex.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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