tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
