I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
