pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
