Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
