Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize