Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
