Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
