I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
