Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize