One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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