Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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