I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
