Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
