the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
